Retrospective - Pilotwings 64

Not only do I remember the first time I played Pilotwings 64, I remember the exact circumstances that I bought it roughly eight years ago; on holiday in Cornwall having passed a small shop that was selling games. I remember seeing the original PAL release of Pokémon Stadium hogging quite a bit of the shelf space but my eye was caught by a game tucked away in the back of the bottom shelf with a price tag of £12.99. Next thing I knew I actually wanted the holiday to end so that I could go home and play it - yes, I wanted a holiday to end to play a game.

In all seriousness, Pilotwings 64 became one of the most charming games that I've ever played. Charming in the same way that Animal Crossing or Advance Wars is - there were few moments in Pilotwings 64 where I wasn't sporting an enormous grin across my youthful face. Those moments tended to involve hang-gliders or the giant mech that terrorised certain areas; there'd be so many obscenities after missing out on a perfect score by one point that I'd make Scarface look like a timid lamb.

Whether it be flying a jetpack, shooting mechs from a gyrocopter, firing yourself towards Mount Rushmore to reveal Wario's face or just gently relaxing as the Birdman flying high above the Golden Gate Bridge in Little America, Pilotwings 64 had it all for serious flight-sim players and regular gamers. A game both challenging and relaxing at the same time is a very rare and fantastic experience.

8/10 cats agree that Pilotwings is more relaxing than being massaged in beer.

As a launch game for the N64, Pilotwings 64 is absolutely stellar and as the generations of games passed it continued to be flying sky high (pun intended) above many of the games not just on the N64 but on all platforms of the time - Paradigm in my eyes had brought gaming into the next generation rather than Super Mario 64. Unfortunately Nintendo decided that adding Pilotwings to their catalogue of GameCube games would have been a bad idea and so far they've continued with the same decision for the Wii. Surely I wouldn't want to see Pilotwings tarnished with a poor version made for the Wii, but I do have every bit of faith in Nintendo that A) they won't be able to water it down much at all to appeal to the so called casual gamer and B) they could make the motion controls actually work, more so with the Motion Plus adapter. If Nintendo do decide to do a new game in the series, it'd almost be worth buying a Wii for.

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How To Not Completely Fail… on Left 4 Dead's Versus Mode - Part II

Written by Herrick
Part II - Infected: The Smoker and The Tank

The Smoker

Okay kids, the next playable Infected is our good, and often misused, friend the Smoker. Smokers are possibly the best class in the game for slowing the team down however they have a large amount of weaknesses to counteract their ability to strike from a long distance that they often end up being nothing more than a 20 second respawn.

1) Know your maps
Smokers are possibly the most terrain dependent class in the entire game. Unlike Hunters, there is a delay between you launching the attack and it doing any damage. Hell, there's a delay before the victim loses control, so it's all too easy to get shot in the face before you can constrict them. You're also completely immobile during the entire thing. As a result positioning is critical to a good attack; if trying to delay survivors, you want as much distance as possible (to slow the team down by backtracking) and as much cover as possible to make shooting at you harder. A good position will mean that even if a survivor escapes often you will have a second chance to delay the team.

2) Spicy curry
Remember to take into account not only what is around you but also what is between you and your victim. Many maps in the game purposely have elevation changes that require survivors to climb up and over something to proceed and these are gonna be your favorite places to spring a trap. Yanking someone off a catwalk not only gives you the chance to dole out fall damage to the unfortunate but also slows the entire team down as they often have to backtrack a long way or risk also taking hits from falling to retrieve the victim. Throw in the advantages of overhangs and you have the recipe for both big damage and plenty of extra time delay for additional spawns and chances for a player to become the tank.

Fire is also a fantastic tool. Players like to toss Molotovs into doorways and the like to act as barriers to the hordes brought in by Boomers and as a Smoker you should love these traps too. Snare a unsuspecting survivor and drag them through the fire pit, and not only do you dish out fire damage but nobody will want to run through this to help them. Flames can also obscure their vision, making it harder to shoot you off them. Environmental traps such as car alarms and Witches can also be set off by the players you're dragging and make great opportunities, as well as slowing players who simply try to charge past them after someone accidentally sets them off.

3) Smoke screen
That cloud of smoke you give off also counts as an assist of any zombies hit survivors caught up in it as well as masking other sounds (like cries for help) and blurs outlines. Obviously its no way near as long lasting or as useful as a Boomer's bile it's still a nice last ditch attempt to hinder survivors if they are too close to a safehouse for you to find an adequate spot to attack from.

4) Girlie slap
Smokers do still have a melee attack, however I'd advise against using it at all, it's pathetically weak and, unlike Hunters, you make plenty of noise and look very different to regular infected so you'll just die super fast. Only time your melee is of any decent effect is in the last few seconds before inevitable victory where the entire team is in chaos. Generally if the team is too busy dealing with more immediate threats to worry about you spamming your bitch slap attack then you should be taking advantage of this time to get range and break up the team further.

5) Social smoking
As a smoker you need to have allies with you to do your job; that tongue is weak and easily broken and you don't have that much health yourself, so you need people to help keep the team occupied, else they'll just seek out the bright pink thing to it's source and fuck you. Always try to wait for your allies to spawn before launching attacks, and while they are busy taking the flak jump in and snare a victim. Boomers are great at this as hordes can also attack people you have snared without releasing them. Always aim to have some sort of obstruction between you and the rest of the survivors though in order to slow down the rescue and increase the damage you do.

The Tank!

A one-dimensional class, right? Rush in, punch a few survivors, hope for incap? Yeah… no.
When used correctly, the Tank is a game ending class. It is easily possible to disable the entire survivor team when played well, but if played poorly is the worst way to throw away what would otherwise be a good win for the Infected.

The first thing you must understand when playing the tank, is that it is NOT invincible. You will die very quickly if you come up against a team of tier 2 weapon-wielding survivors, even (especially) if you find them in a small space. 4 auto-shotguns will finish you off faster than you can incap a single survivor, so playing the tank can be both tricky at times, and super epic win when your plan works out.

Rules to live by:

1) Hulk SMASH!
Try your very hardest never to attack from the front. Not only does it open you up to the full force of the survivors guns, it is also very predictable - survivors may sit there with a Molotov waiting for you to appear at the door, only to set you on fire and run away (you'll die after about 40 seconds, even if your health bar says full health) - you won't be able to catch up because the survivors are slightly faster than you when at green health.

2) Y U thro Molotov? =(
Avoid fire at all costs. If someone throws a Molotov down in front of you, don't run through it. Wait for it to burn out, or find another route around. It's much better to start losing control a bit rather than setting yourself on fire and dying without doing significant damage. Bear in mind that the control timer will drop you after 2 minutes of no aggression. That is a long time to find a new route round.

3) Ninja Tanking
Surprise. You might be a giant walking beast of a zombie capable of crushing puny humans with your bare hands, but you have to be able to hit them first. Where you're spawned is at the behest of the AI director so sometimes you'll get lucky with this and sometimes not, but try your hardest to surprise the survivors as much as possible. Obviously they'll be able to hear the music and know you're about, but it's still not all that easy to pinpoint a Tank unless he's right on top of you, especially on the enclosed maps. Wait for a survivor to round a corner towards you and then punch him back - you'll knock him down, hopefully getting him stuck on zombies and making him easier to incap. If at all possible do this out of the way of the other survivors so you don't have to deal with their weapons fire. You can also hide behind movable objects like cars and fork lifts, and simply wait for the survivors to get close enough to guarantee a hit. Tanks from above can also be very deadly if used correctly - for example, dropping down the stairwell on No Mercy 4. You can drop down, try to incap one survivor, and then escape back up the lift shaft to the top and ready for your second assault.

4) Out of control (I LOL'd)
Don't go all gay for the control meter. You have two minutes of absolutely not hitting anyone at all before you get stopped from Tanking. That is a long time. Take your time, observe the surroundings, look for objects which may be useful to you (alarmed cars in particular, as well as fork lifts, cars and other stuff. Find a decent place to ambush the survivors if you can.

5) Tier 2 Weaponry
If the survivors have tier 2 weapons, think very very hard about a head to head fight. You will go down super quick. Your best bet is to cut one of the survivors off from the others, either by hitting it over a ledge or surprising it in a compromising location.

6) Don't hate, incapacitate!
Work on one survivor at a time, if at all possible. Hitting each of the 4 survivors once each won't do shit. You need to incap people to actually cause real damage (because incapped people need reviving, and that is a perfect opportunity for the Boomer, Hunter, or coming back as the Tank and incapping another player. If you haven't hit anyone yet, go for the closest target as long as you're not taking too much fire, and then work on it once you hit it. If you see someone pull a Molotov, you are well advised to either GTFO or hit the fucker until he's incapped.

7) Flying Forklifts of Death
Use objects. Your Tank's Fist of Doom is good, if you can get in range, but that can be very difficult in some situations. Find something big that you can hit - cars, fork lifts and other such items. Run up and smash these items at the survivors, who'll be incapped instantly and possibly killed when hit. Tanks using flying objects to incap people are possibly the most deadly Tanks you will encounter.

8) Lumbering beast, but, above all, considerate and friendly
Pay attention. If your team mate has someone constricted or Huntered, don't be a giant douchebag and hit him. Most likely you will break him free, then be unable to kill him as he runs away (thanking you and laughing to himself). Go after the other survivors, preferably away from the unlucky caught one, and try to stop the other survivors coming to help the victim.

Remember, just 'cos you're the Tank doesn't mean you can stop working as a team. Use the other specials to your advantage. A Tank on its own will fare a lot worse than a tank with 3 specials backing it up. The shear confusion caused by a Tank is usually enough to let a HBunter get the drop on someone. Even if you cannot catch up to someone because their health is green and it's an open area (Blood Harvest, for example), you should aim to separate one from the group like a sheepdog herding sheep. Once one is separated (and probably laughing, going "Haha, you can't hit me!") is when the Hunter pounces him. Then you can turn around and fend off anyone who attempts to heal the incapped and quickly dying survivor. Nobody wants to get close to a Tank.

Similarly, if a Smoker (or Hunter) grabs someone, survivors instinctively turn to try and rescue them. This change of direction, if you're able to predict it, often results in your ability to catch them up and introduce them to Mr Fist.

On the rescuing incapped survivor front, always keep an eye out for survivors rescuing each other once you've incapped them. A standard survivor tactic is for one bloke to lead the Tank astray whilst another rescues the incaps. You can use this to your advantage however, as people generally do not pay attention and just hold X. So incap someone, go after another survivor and then after a few seconds turn on your heels and head back, you will often find someone valiantly trying to rescue the poor guy with the broken legs and they are ripe for a supersized, steroid induced pimp slap.

9) Holy shit! Look at him fly!
The twatting technique. On certain maps, it is possible to cause absolute havoc and instant kill a survivor simply by hitting him/her off a ledge. These include No Mercy 4 and 5, Blood Harvest 1, 3, 4 and parts of 5. Get behind the person, so you're facing the direction you want to hit them, and then swing. If possible, try and hit them while they're jumping, and they'll go fucking flying. Fall damage, if they don't actually fall 'out of the map' as it were, should be substantial depending where you hit them.

10) Incapped by flying boulder? WTF?
Artillery. So you have a tier 2 weapons team, and they're on a relatively open map (Blood Harvest 3, 4 and 5 or No Mercy 1, last part of 2, 3 and 5), and they're not actively looking for you. They may be waiting around for the Tank to come to them, possibly scared. This won't work against an aggressive survivor team, who will simply hunt you down and fuck you, especially because it will be them doing the surprising and not you. Find a large object to hide behind - such as a rock, some dead cows (LOL), a big car or something like that, and then simply throw rocks at them. Try to anticipate movement, or if they're all standing around waiting for you to come just smack them with a rock, switch position, and then try to get closer to them while they're busy confused with rocks and stuff so you can own them with fists and then get out again. If your internet connection is good and your motion prediction is on target, you can actually cause some serious damage while not opening yourself up to a lot of incoming fire from tier 2 weapons. Don't be afraid to try some seriously long range artillery, after all you have 2 minutes to get some decent hits in otherwise. The added bonus of doing this from behind a movable object is that if any of the survivors get balls and come looking for you, you can simply incap them with a flying car. Whatever you do, don't simply stand there out in the open throwing rocks. This makes you an easy fucking target and you will get toasted before you can do anything.

11) Finale Tanking
If you're a finale Tank, you're sometimes limited by what you can do. The finales make it really rather difficult to Tank because they're both generally large open spaces with not much cover. On No Mercy, you simply want to try your best to knock people off the roof. On Blood Harvest, your best bet is probably to try and catch one in the house while the others go outside. Incap that one and then try to disappear, coming back for them when they try to revive. You can try the artillery tank on this, but in my experience the director spawns you in some really shitty places and that makes it hard to get out of view of a decent human team (which will usually go straight outside after the zombie swarms finish because they know there's a Tank).

Finally - if you get set on fire and there is no way to cut a survivor off from the group, simply go in and swing as much as you can. 40 seconds is not a long time to deal damage, so every second counts. Get in there as fast as possible (if there's a quick way to get behind them then maybe use that) and cause some damage, because it's better to die in a fire having done a little damage than dropping dead because you got set on fire and stood about.

Survivors

Okay, most of it is pretty obvious if you have played Campaign or single player mode. It should be pretty straight forward as most things remain unchanged. Just some quick tips:

• Keep moving, try to complete acts as fast as possible, the more time you spend the more respawns the other team gets meaning more damage inflicted upon you and more chances of a Tank showing up.
• Infected can climb walls, pipes, etc. and see in the dark. Just because you can't see or reach that does not mean they can't. Expect trouble from all angles and learn to predict common places for attacks to be sprung.
• Trick them! Special infected are normal players and can be tricked just like you can be, lead them into places where their abilities will be wasted or allow you to kill them easier. When an infected dies that's at least 20 seconds he is out of the game and 20 seconds of you advancing without him slowing you up. Keep moving and kill them as fast as possible. The faster and more aggressive you play the fewer respawns they get to use against you.
• Try to always have your sound on, the game makes extensive use of sounds and music to give survivors a hint on impending dangers as well as automated status updates from fellow survivors sometimes. Tank approaching? The music will change. Witch in the vicinity, you'll hear the sobbing and again the music will change. All special infected also have unique sounds so try to keep those ears open as it can give you a vital heads up on what to expect and avoid you getting surprised and making a mistake.
• Melee is good. Awesome, in fact. Don't be afraid to freely abuse melee. Not only does it break tongues, knock hunters and Boomers back and use no ammo/create no noise, it also does no damage to team mates and is pretty fast. Some servers on PC nowadays have it so that constantly using melee will slow it down (although this can be averted by switching weapons if you so desire) it's still an incredibly useful ability and a fantatic way to avoid friendly fire incidents in clusterfuck moments like being Boomered in a tight space. You can also reload and melee without any delay or stopping the reload action.

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Review - Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Lightsaber Duels

• Game: Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Lightsaber Duels
• Format: Wii
• Other Formats: None
• Developer: Krome Studios
• Publisher: LucasArts
• Genre: Fighting

When Nintendo first announced that they were making a console powered by waving a TV remote around like an idiot, there was one game that everyone wanted to see. The very concept of the Wii seems perfect for a lightsaber game, right down to the remote speaker for making "vom vomvomvom vom vom vom BZZZT!" noises. Well, two years on, LucasArts have finally remembered that they like money, with the release of Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Lightsaber Duels: Attack of the Colons, but can it possibly live up to the dream?

The basic set up is pretty much what you would expect. Two characters from a selection of ten Clone Wars characters go into an arena and proceed to kill each other with lightsabers and Force powers. For solo players there is a story mode featuring clips from the series, and a challenge mode in which you need to win whilst fulfilling certain objectives (usually use all the combos or finish in under three minutes), but it never really departs much from the main concept.

The most important thing about this game is probably the control system. Sadly, any hopes for full one-to-one movement of your blade are quickly dashed, instead lightsaber attacks are limited to slashes in four directions and a forwards stabbing motion. This does at least mean that the controls are much more reliable than many Wii games; even when making multiple moves in quick succession the game can pick up exactly what each swing is supposed to be and act accordingly, so you'll never end up losing the game just because the game confused your Ultimate Sith-Killer Combo for the "decapitate self with own lightsaber" command.

There are a few more complications to the fighting system, such as each character having their own Force power and super move, using the Force to throw debris into your opponent's face, and the ability to parry attacks by holding block and swinging in the opposite direction to your opponent, but overall there is nowhere near as much depth to the combat as something like Soul Calibur.

One feature that comes up a lot is the saber lock system where at seemingly random points in the battle the two combatants will lock blades, trade insults and then set off one of three mini games... or just go straight back into the fight leaving the players wondering what all that was about. The mini games are quite fun actually, but it would be nice if it didn't feel like the game was deciding whether or not to give you one on the basis of a coin flip.

"Wait, why are we doing this again?"

The cast of characters contains most of the lightsaber-wielding stars of the Clone Wars series, with the surprising omission of Yoda who I can only assume was left out to avoid having to deal with the height difference. This unfortunately, includes Ahsoka Tano, the irritating teenager who has quickly become my most hated Star Wars character ever since Darths & Droids made Jar Jar Binks awesome. It's also a shame that there are no characters from outside of the Clone Wars time period; OK I understand that Qui-Gon Jinn fighting Darth Vader in the story mode would make no sense whatsoever, but a few original trilogy and Episode I characters as unlockable multiplayer characters wouldn't have hurt.

The actual choice of character to play as makes disappointingly little difference to the actual gameplay, with the main changes being a slightly different combo list and Force power. The real difference is in the voice clips played as the fight goes on. In a nice touch, the speech changes depending on your opponent, so for example Obi-Wan will accuse Count Dooku of betraying the Jedi Order and vow to bring an end to this insignificant rebellion, whereas Obi-Wan versus Anakin sounds more like a friendly sparring match. This helps to give the fights a more cinematic feel and make the sound clips actually make sense in context, but the downside is that by limiting the number of possible lines the chances of repetition inevitably increases.

Lightsaber proliferation reaches dangerous levels - coming in 2010: Star Wars Episode VII: Invasion of the Octopus People

The arenas are a nicely varied bunch, all with their own hazards. Clone troopers and battledroids fight it out around you (and get stabbed to death if they get in your way), electric discharges and blasts of flame can incinerate careless players, and one level takes place above a Sarlacc which reaches up to eat the tasty Jedi above. The arenas also have a tendency to change between rounds, such as a platform on the edge of a space-station that gets detached at the beginning of round two and spends the rest of the battle in freefall.

Overall, The Clone Wars is not the lightsaber game you imagined when you first saw the Wii remote, and in all likelihood it was never trying to be. Instead, what we have is a fun, technically competent, but ultimately insubstantial beat-em-up. Star Wars fans will likely get a kick out of it for a while, but after a few days they'll be back to Smash Bros. Brawl. Now, if LucasArts were to make a sequel using the MotionPlus add-on the idea could finally live up to its potential.

Score:
5/10

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How To Not Completely Fail… on Left 4 Dead's Versus Mode - Part I

• Game: Left 4 Dead
  
• Format: Xbox 360, PC
  
• Developer: Valve (PC)/Certain Affinity (X360)
  
• Publisher: Valve
• Genre: 1st Person Shooter

Left 4 Dead is a co-op fan's dream. Put 4 people together and see if they can co-operate to the end of the level. If they do their own thing and they'll probably be left for dead (hence the title of the game) by the rest of the team, or, worse they'll cost your whole team the match by splitting the team up and getting picked off by the horde. Versus mode, however, turns the whole game on its head and puts a team in the blood-soaked shoes of the game's 'special infected' - zombies with special abilities such as super-zombie strength and erm… puking (it may seem absurd, to say the least, but it's brilliant fun). This mode really punishes you if you fail to pull your weight and it's very easy to throw away a good win for your team. So I'm here to help and dispense advice that is probably blatantly obvious, but it makes me feel important, though, so here it is anyway. Take note, though, this is a guide purely for the Versus mode. If you need help with the other parts of the game, then go on GameFAQs or something.

Part I - Infected: The Hunter and The Boomer

You should already know how to play as a survivor. The general method of surviving is very much the same against humans as it is against infected, only you're generally more likely to outsmart humans than you are the AI…

The Hunter

Basic play tips first: the Hunter is the most powerful special infected bar the Tank damage wise, but all it takes is a single melee to remove you, and people being huntered are super obvious. The best way to play as a Hunter is like with any of the other special infected (minus the Tank, of course), which is to try and pick on people away from the group, heavily damaged, not paying attention, etc.

This brings me to another pet hate - this isn't fucking Frogger. Unless you're trying to get the survivors to shoot at you (example: a distraction to get the survivors boomered by a teammate would be acceptable), stop jumping horizontally along the ground like a retard and use your surroundings to your advantage. You have walls, ceilings, trees, telephone poles, rocks, silos and thousands of other places from which to pounce from.

Unless the only thing you need to do is incapacitate someone out of view of the other survivors (e.g. if he's the last one alive and you need him down to win), you should always hit people with a single pounce or a wall pounce, and if you miss, claw survivors not paying attention, or jump the hell out of there and try again.

1) How do I shot pounce?
Now you may be asking why pounces are so important. Well, unless you catch a survivor way off on their own, or the survivors are all vomited on and can't see shit, it's very likely you're gonna be shot/melee'd off after maybe 1 or 2 hits on a pounced survivor. While that was okay when we could play Versus on Expert/Advanced mode, there's not really much point on normal because you only hit them for ~5-10 damage a hit. By pouncing from a distance, you can actually inflict up to 25 points of instant damage the moment you land a pounce, depending on its length.

This is powerful enough to instantly incapacitate a low-yellow survivor and combined with a couple of claw hits, you can be doing upwards of 40 damage a pounce, which is a serious amount of damage compared to a couple of claw hits for maybe 15.

Additionally, if you pounce a person from an angle, it will generally push them slightly in the same direction you were going - this is really useful if you see a survivor looking over a ledge, cliff, etc. - get them from the ground side of the ledge with a big pounce (for maximum force), and if you get lucky you'll actually push them off the edge. This not only does fall damage but also extends the length of your pounce, so if it wasn't a max damage pounce it very well might be by the time you hit the ground.

2) Pouncing for dummies
Use the surroundings to your advantage. Look for high spots and jump in a high arc if possible, since it allows you more time to correct your aim in mid air, and try to go for the most injured survivor if possible. Managing to incap a survivor is possibly the best way to slow a team down, especially if you can get a Boomer to spawn on them while they're reviving.

You can wall jump all you like, but remember this - the damage you get from a pounce is solely dependent on the distance from the last spot you hit to the survivor - if you wall jump all around a map, land 1m from a survivor then 'Frogger' into him you won't do any damage from the pounce.

In most of the open maps (No Mercy 1, parts of 2 and 3, most of Blood Harvest) you should be looking for pounce spots from the get go and trying to hit 25 pounces as much as possible, unless there is a visibly slow survivor in which case you should force his team to come back for them. Bear in mind that you don't need huge map sprawling leaps - there's many more easier and faster to reach places which will give you 25 damage from a pounce, they simply won't look as awesome

In closed maps, and in areas where you think the extra damage would be useful (the entire subway part of No Mercy 2, for example), another tactic is to set yourself on fire. The reason being that once a flaming hunter has pounced a survivor, you will then deal flame damage too (no extra pounce damage over 25) - it's very easy to incap a survivor if you time a flamed Hunter pounce well. Examples would be pouncing a just-boomered team if you can pounce the only non-vomited survivor, or pounce the one which would be most difficult to free from a hunter (the others are all dealing with zombies on their own). A couple of seconds of flaming Hunter on a survivor can easily incap them, and isn't too difficult to pull off if your timing is good.

Being on fire does not increase your claw damage, however the flame damage will up the total pain by almost double, but makes you pretty easy to spot (a flaming jumping zombie), and also (and this is crucial) makes it impossible to double jump - this means no wall jumping, no diagonal/vertical building climbing - only direct pounces. Since the maps where this is most useful are the enclosed ones where fire is readily available, your pounces will generally be short (you're limited by the ceiling height after all), but you can still do 5-10 damage from a single pounce by making sure you pounce in an arc - over the train carriages and stuff on No Mercy 2 is easily doable with a little practice.

These are my two main points when playing Hunter - try to pounce for maximum damage as much as you can where possible, and when that's not physically possible because of the map, set yourself on fire using available fire sources, or survivor Molotov, and wreak havoc. Use the confusion caused by Boomers to your advantage, and work on a single survivor if you can until they're incapped.

3) The fat guy is your best friend
Just-boomered survivors are most susceptible to insane Hunter damage because they lose outlines of their teammates and audible traits of the Hunter pounce are more difficult to pick out, and if a survivor is on his own and struggling with zombies (usually crouched, stationary and meleeing his fucking heart out), pounce the fucker - he'll be easy to pounce for max damage (because he's stationary), surrounded by zombies (which take fire before you do), probably won't be paying attention to his surroundings (mostly top and behind), and once pounced the additional damage from the zombies already there is no laughing matter.

4) Hunter slap
Your claw attack (secondary) does a lot more damage than the smokers' - 10 a hit AFAIK (I think this is also affected by fire, but fire makes you super visible when going for straight claws), so if you're struggling for a place to pounce from, another tactic that works relatively well is to attack boomered players with your claws, like a normal zombie - you blend in to the crowd of zombies (don't forget, you can run through zombies, a survivor cant), approach from the side or back, claw once, run away, attack from a different side.

You can easily inflict 30 or 40 damage this way on a boomered target who can't see shit, and simply pounce away when the zombies are mostly dead.

5) FLYING NINJA SQUIRREL ZOMBIE JESUS DEATH
Air control as a Hunter is super important for hitting targets and GTFOing. If you're holding down crouch once you're in the air, stop it. Use crouch to pounce and then let it go once you're flying. If you hold crouch, you lose a lot of the ability to change your direction in the air, which makes it much harder to hit targets from a long way away.

Note: If you tap crouch just before you land a pounce (or hold it down until you've pounced again, doesn't matter), you can then pounce again straight away to get out of sticky situations. You do not need to have crouch pressed if you want to wall jump - all you need for a wall jump is to be looking a certain angle away from the wall both vertically and horizontally (~10 degrees apparently), and then press the primary attack button.

As for changing direction in mid air - press left and right to move that way, forwards if you need some more range, and hold backwards if you need less range. Bear in mind forwards seems to be less sensitive than the other 3, and backwards seems to be much more sensitive than the rest - you can pretty much stop in mid air and fall directly down.

If you're trying to curve left or right into someone from a pounce, hold the strafe key in that direction while curling the cross hairs towards them in the same direction. It's pretty tricky to get the hang of accurately, but is the most important part of hitting big pounces for big damage bar none (along with accurately predicting the movement of survivors, and the range of your pounce). Also, bear in mind that unless you have a really good ping, the survivors are probably a step or two ahead of where you see them. When pouncing from the side or behind, always try to aim slightly ahead of a moving victim to pounce them more accurately. Pouncing someone from behind and hitting them in the back will not force a successful pounce, you have to land on their head or very slightly in front of them. If you feel like you're bouncing off peoples heads, that generally means that your pounce aim is good but your ping is a bit shitty, so you want to aim further forwards again.

6) I'mma NINJA
While the Hunter's pounce is by far its most powerful weapon damage wise, there are lots of other ways you can be effective when pounce isn't an option - Hunters make no noise when not crouching, so use this to your advantage.

I've had instances where I've hidden in a tree on Blood Harvest 1, waited for the healthy survivors to run by and then incapped the injured survivor with a single claw hit and run off.

The Boomer

Okay, Boomers! These guys often have the shortest life spans but are also fantastic force multipliers when used correctly. The ability to summon 30 regular infected is a incredibly good skill when used right and can open the door for a torrent of buttrape for the unlucky survivors.

1) The Money Shot
First things first, that green bukkake attack takes a damn long time to recharge so use it wisely, it's likely you'll only live long enough to use it once before popping so don't mess up. Boomer bile only attracts infected if it actually hits a survivor and then only 1 swarm per bile attack. Blowing your load on all 4 will not net you 4xs the amount of infected nor will puking on one then exploding on the other 3. This doesn't mean you shouldn't try to bile up all 4, you should always be aiming to hit multiple targets, just remember it won't net you more zombies.

2) IT'S IN MAH EYES!!1!
Boomer bile does a lot more then just attract infected, when you get blasted by the fat man's goo you're effectively blind for a few seconds and lose everyone's outlines. This either means resorting to your weaker melee attack or risk friendly fire incidents. As a boomer you should know this and take advantage of it. See that fresh young noob who has yet to learn what the melee key is (or worse knows it's there but insists on always using the bloody shotgun)? Try to shoot your load on him and watch as he spins around in a blind panic wasting ammo and shooting his buddies in the face.

Other infected should also use this to their advantage. Smokers and Hunters! If your Boomer friend manages to get 3 guys but not the 4th, go for him. A team where 3 players can't see shit is gonna have hell of a time trying to dislodge a pinned player - more so if you have 30 regular infected getting in the way and chewing on your face. If a Boomer has managed to get all 4 then Hunters go for the ones surrounded by the most zombies they'll make a fantastic meatshield while you incap your way to success while Smokers aim for anyone who can be easily separated and make some distance.

3) Think before you spray
There is nothing worse then an idiot Boomer who sprays on a team while they are surrounded by close able doors or otherwise small cramped spaces (the stairwell sections on No Mercy 3 etc.). As a boomer you want to cream 'em where they are exposed; yes it's harder to get the jump on an intelligent team but do it right and the swarm you summon is much, much harder to counter as they will be coming from all directions and surround victims. If it looks like they'll be able to funnel the zombies through a bottleneck (or force them to climb) think twice about committing yourself. If you think you can survive to puke a second time then go for it and let them use up the ammo before attracting a second rabble but otherwise don't feel ashamed about hiding and letting them get into a more open area.

4) ALLAH AKBAH!
Back when you could commit a suicide at the touch of a button on the PC version it used to be great fun to waddle in and suicide yourself before the survivors could melee you away and let the zombie hordes do the rest. Unfortunately such times are gone but the tactic is still there, when you die you go boom and anything nearby gets slimed in your product, attracting the horde. Boomers have a shitty amount of life and more often than not you'll get more slimes from dying than actually puking. Most maps are full of drops, vents and all sorts of other places where a Boomer can appear out of no where and get hit by a stray bullet or panicked shotgun wielder (especially on 360 as most people are still too stupid to try and push Boomers back before firing.)

5) Bullet Magnet
People love to kill Boomers, they're huge, slow sacks of shit that pop like a balloon after just a couple of rounds. Use this to your advantage and stand by things people typically don't want to shoot at like cars or the Witch. People will fire at you in an attempt to kill you before attracting the horde and normally end up causing even more trouble for themselves. Remember all it takes is one bullet to set them off. You can use this tactic with all infected but Boomers are the best for attracting fire at their bloated arses.

6) Fat man slap
Boomers still posses a melee attack, although it's pretty useless, not doing much damage and bieing slow to get close enough. That said, if you do get inside explodey range remember to spam secondary and get a couple of extra cheap hits, you're still stronger than a regular infected.

7) Work as a team, Jackass
Your bile and hordes may be a pain in the arse, but in general your actual damage output is still laughably low, what you do provide better then anyone else however is a massive fucking diversion for your infected buddies to take advantage of. Use your mic and your friends to help you - out it's a billion times harder to save someone with a screen full of infected in the way (that your team can walk through) than it is to save someone who isn't. Boomers are also one of the few classes that force a team to split up on their own, no one wants to be biled and people will spread out in every direction to either try and prevent you getting 4 hits from your puke or to avoid the inevitable explosion. A fragmented team of survivors is easier to pin with other infected than one where they're all in melee range of one another.

8) Check their inventory
Survivors that have a pipe bomb or Molotov will have it holstered on their character and easily visible in spectator mode when you die. Why is this important? Simple, pipe bombs will fuck you up, given a choice between a cummed on survivor and a pipe bomb zombies almost always go for the pipe every fucking time, the picky bastards. If you see someone with a pipe, try to do everything you possibly can to make them use it up before you unleash your puke, it's not always possible (people are very stingy on where they use their pipe bombs), but if you can make them waste it, then do so. Last thing you want is to spend 20 seconds watching your horde run like idiots after the blinky red thing and get vapourised.

9) Metagaming Arsehole
This will only work on the PC version and then only on poor saps who have shitty connections and computers. If you think (or know) someone to have a computer that is likely to chug at the sight of 30 zombies pouring out of the woodwork then take advantage of this. No one wants their savior to be someone with only 5 frames per sec because half the time it'll just get you both killed so force this situation where possible.

Next: In Part II, we deal with Smokers and the awesomeness of the Tank. Plus, some tips for surviving against the human-controlled infected in Left 4 Dead's Versus mode.

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Continue reading How To Not Completely Fail… on Left 4 Dead's Versus Mode - Part I

Review - Tomb Raider Underworld

• Game: Tomb Raider Underworld
• Format: Xbox 360
• Other Formats: Freaking Everything
• Developer: Crystal Dynamics
• Publisher: Eidos Interactive
• Genre: 3rd Person Action Adventure

Having never played a Tomb Raider game before, I had no idea whether its intentions were to plunge my body into a steaming vat of sweet gameplay honey, or to just lather said stickiness onto my genitals and release a radioactive army of ants to the feast. You see, while the tracksuit-wearing PlayStation owners of yesteryear were busying themselves trying to get Lara Croft’s clothes off in the late nineties, I was cooking fools on the N64’s GoldenEye and indulging in games that cost the best part of £60. I’m not sure what my point here was, but I didn’t play Tomb Raider and Nintendo were raping my wallet.

For all the people out there that don’t know about the series – yes, both of you – the player’s role is to assume the position as Lara Croft – an outrageously top-heavy lead female born with a silver cutlery set placed firmly betwixt her gums, and harbouring an unhealthy penchant for Indiana Jones style tomfoolery as she shoots, solves puzzles and climbs all in the aid of whatever it is she’s doing this for. This time, Lara is rather incoherently dragged across the face of the globe searching for Nordic artefacts, spanning water, jungle and ice levels in a perplexingly varied range of environments that would be at home in a Super Mario level select. The story makes little to no sense and there is nothing to make you empathise with any of the characters, which is particularly apparent when one of the ‘main’ good guys kicks the proverbial bucket and everyone seems terribly upset. I’m sure this is fantastically significant for anyone who has played the other Tomb Raider escapades, but I didn’t have a clue who they were nor did I give half a nutty shit. Add to this the individuals with magic powers and no explanation in to ‘what the fuck’, and then you have a very confused player.

Zoom into this pic, and, despite the gorgeous scenery, you're probably only going to be looking at one thing.

It’s lucky then that the gameplay stands up for itself… ‘ish… sometimes. The climbing in Tomb Raider Underwear having particular attention paid to it by the developers as it leaves the shooting sections left out and starving for attention like the jealous older sibling with it’s arms crossed at a two-year-old’s birthday party. Environments have been touted as non-linear behemoths that are traversable in whatever manner the player sees fit – utilising Lara’s abilities and gadgets as intuitive extensions of your astonishingly large brain fuelled exclusively by the smug self satisfaction of deciphering one of the infinite possibilities to progress. In reality however, you can take any path that you please, as long as it’s the path decided by the developers - looking just like everything else in the scenery and inconspicuously blending in like a cloud at a legless sheep convention. It’s something that really smothers the unloved child that is the supposed open-ended game play. That’s not to say that this style doesn’t work for Tomb Raider Unwrapped, as there are some shining moments where I actually had some fun – just don’t go parading about how much freedom a player has in a desperate attempt to grasp at the worn rear bumper of the free-running bandwagon, when in actual fact you’re talking out your arse.

One of the aforementioned ‘shining’ moments in the game is the beautifully realised Thailand mission with its shimmering water and abundance of green undergrowth pouring out of ruined stone structures. It’s fair to say that Tomb Raider Overbear has brilliantly detailed environments that appeal to the erogenous zones of the eye. In addition, this section of the story also houses some of the more pleasing climbing segments as you obtain that smugness upon finding the right route to push Lara, and you really get a sense of vertigo when hanging over a 200 foot drop above feeling your shins go through your eyes. The inevitable let downs here coming in the form of that obnoxious prick - 'Mr Dodgy Camera' - as he tries his hardest to dick you over at the most inopportune moments. One such example being when Lara is on a ledge with her back against a wall - where 9 out of 10 times you will need to jump forward to another ledge - Mr Dodgy Camera has the perverted compulsion to focus on Lara’s wet mammaries rather than showing you what you’re supposed to be aiming your jump for, instead passing on the royal player dicking to his deformed son, 'Leap of Faith Gameplay' which should have been killed off with the advent of common sense.

Tigers! Shoot them! How dare they protect their territory! Damn you, Mother Nature! I'm trying to rob this grave!

After Thailand, the game only picked back up to a likeable pace again when Lara obtains Thor’s Hammer - right at the end of the freaking game! It’s just insanely satisfying to send enemies careering off into the sunset with one fell swoop of Ms Croft’s arms, and it just makes me wonder why Crystal Dynamics didn’t give us this at the beginning of the slog. Seriously, it’s a stone mallet that shoots lightning! Who is responsible for this not being available at the start? It would have made combat even more fun than being the sole male guest at a cake and tits party. Instead, we have to blunder around taking out enemies in a tedious fashion of mashing the ‘A’ button to needlessly flip around while hammering the right trigger in an attempt to actually hurt something with the standard pistols that have firepower not unlike throwing jelly babies at your foes.

The puzzle solving is not much more of an improvement over the quality of the combat, as you find yourself fumbling through the game not entirely sure what you’re doing but progressing nonetheless. It seems to give you answers to questions you didn’t know needed answering, such as randomly coming upon a golden skull for no apparent reason, only to find a skull-shaped hole in a door twenty minutes later, leaving you perplexed as to how you actually moved forward instead of cerebrally solving the puzzles yourself.

For all its shitty moments though, Tomb Raider Underage does have some good moments. It’s just a shame that you’ll have to endure the horrific combat and Mr Dodgy Camera’s constant dicking to actually notice them. A top prize is also available to anyone who can tell me how many sexual innuendos there are in this review - answers on a post card to someone who actually cares.

Score:
6/10

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Continue reading Review - Tomb Raider Underworld

Coming up

Christmas is done and dusted, and New Years is becoming a distant memory (if you have any memories from the night, that is); it's a time of looking forward and the TGN Blog is doing just that (now that we've just about recovered).

Coming up in the next few weeks we have a smorgasbord of goodies, including an expert guide on Left 4 Dead's vs. multiplayer as well as Lara Croft getting the once over in our Tomb Raider: Underworld review.

If you're nice and you visit often, we might even have a feature or two as well...

Continue reading Coming up