Review - Guitar Hero Van Halen

A Guest Review by Tom McShane

• Game: Guitar Hero Van Halen
• Format: Xbox 360
• Console: PS2, PS3, Wii
• Developer: NeverSoft
• Publisher: Activision
• Genre: Music/Rhythm

If there’s one guitar solo in the history of all music (nay, all sound) that makes women moist and gives guys the nut-chills, it’s Van Halen’s ‘Eruption’, and before now the only coverage the spandex-clad, harmony-fuelled rock gods have had in the world of music video games has been a cover of ‘You Really Got Me’ in Guitar Hero II, and a blisteringly-difficult rendition of ‘Hot For Teacher’ in World Tour. So is the addition of a Van Halen iteration to the roster of band centric Guitar Hero titles enough to give you those Eruption-esque chills all over again?

The answer, sadly, is no. Unlike the Aerosmith and Metallica instalments, this is quite a lacklustre effort from the folks over at Neversoft. Picture the scene; Van Halen are in their prime, rocking it with some of their best known songs with flamboyant frontman David Lee Roth. They’re leaping around the stage looking like they’ve been poured into the skin-tight spandex and leather… wait. That’s right – Van Halen’s major, non-musical traits (their typically 80s outfits; their over-the-top stage presence; David Lee Roth’s flowing hair) are all but absent from this game. The band appear as they did on their 2009 tour – complete with a short-haired David Lee Roth, a rather aged Eddie Van Halen and lacking both original bassist Michael Anthony and any of the band’s signature stage presence.

There’s nothing particularly wrong with the core of the game, mind you. It’s still Guitar Hero, and the plethora of classic Van Halen songs (all from the arguably superior David Lee Roth-era) are fantastic fun. Pretty much every single song that made Van Halen who are they is in here – ‘Panama’, ‘Jump’, ‘Eruption’, ‘You Really Got Me’, ‘Running With The Devil’… the list goes on and on for 25 songs of rocky goodness. In fact, you could take the songlist from this game and easily package it as a ‘Best Of’ that fans (myself included) would lap up and hand over a tenner for. But there’s nothing new here that stops the game becoming anything more than a glorified expansion pack that rapes your wallet of £40, which also unfortunately seems to be the way the whole Guitar Hero franchise is going.

The game mechanics are exactly the same - in fact they might even be worse, seeing as Guitar Hero: Van Halen actually lacks the drop-in/drop-out play mode of Guitar Hero 5, despite the VH iteration being the newest game in the series. Everything looks the same (save for some gratuitous red, black and white Van Halen striping around the menus) and the on-stage models are much the same too – incredibly realistic looking, but when it comes to movements they’re stiff and lifeless. The animated band does move about a bit and pull off the odd stage antic (like the David Lee Roth spinning the mic stand) but it’s all very half-arsed. There’s just no Van Halen magic to it at all. Maybe I’m expecting too much for some 3D animated models to capture the same stage magic of the real-life Van Halen from way back in the 80s. Or maybe that’s the problem with the game and why the first statement sounds like I’m having to make excuses for a game that feels rushed and half-finished. I mean, what’s so ‘Van Halen’ about short, neat haircuts, a nice shirt and smart jeans, and a reserved, ‘in awe of a stadium audience’ stage presence and attitude.

David Lee Roth’s ability to hit those high notes is no surprise after you get one look of the spandex tightly hugging his crotch.

Yeah, ok, you can unlock stage models of the band from their spandex/ass-less chap era (late 70s/early 80s) but there’s two reasons why this is totally rubbish, the main reason being that it’s totally backwards. This classic 80s formation of Van Halen is that one that should be available from the very beginning; long hair and ridiculous skin tight, glittery costumes is the epitome of Van Halen and the glam rock era they championed. The rather polished, ‘we’ve grown up now’ look of the modern-day Van Halen is the costume and model set that should be unlockable – not the real Van Halen!

Which leads me into the second reason as to why the character sets are completely backwards – it means that for a large part of the game it just doesn’t feel like you’re playing as Van Halen. It feels like you’re just playing as some random collection of computer-generated rockstars performing away in the background on an extra-large Van Halen song pack on Guitar Hero: World Tour. And that’s all the game is really – an expansion pack. Hell, those lucky American folk got this for free if they bought Guitar Hero 5.

So if there’s a bottom line here it’s “don’t buy this game”. It’s such a shame as Van Halen are the perfect band for a game like Guitar Hero – catchy riffs, blistering solos (one thing to mention about the game is its racked up difficulty in comparison to a lot of older GH material) and screaming lead vocals. But it’s pulled off in such a way that will leave you feeling short changed. Maybe if some generous American fella is selling his free copy on eBay dirt cheap, or the market price responds to the abysmal press scores it’s been given (averaging less than 66% on GameRankings as well as a meagre 4.9/10 on IGN), then it’ll be worth it. Until then, it’s probably best to crank up that Van Halen record and air-guitar around your room like a buffoon. It’s cheaper and much more satisfying.


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Review - The House of the Dead: Overkill

A Guest Review by Mr Party Hat

• Game: The House of the Dead: Overkill
  
• Format: Wii
• Other Formats: None
• Developer: Headstrong Games
  
• Publisher: SEGA
• Genre: Motherfuckin' Light-Gun Game
  

There are certain games that feel as though they don't want to be played, games that keep you at a distance lest you see the cracks in the foundation, the precisely oiled wheels that keep everything perfect in its sterility. The House of the Dead: Overkill is not one of those games. Overkill is a motherfucker of a videogame, a fourteen year old hussy that will flash you pink in the detention hall for a fiver and a lollipop.

The premise is simple and almost offensively transparent, riding on the coat-tails of Grindhouse, Tarantino's B-Movie love letter. Much of the over-indulgence of Grindhouse is (thankfully) held back by the limitations of the Wii. Tarantino had a multi-million dollar budget with which to make something appear as though it had been made for ten grand, the developers of Overkill were working with - to borrow a line from the game's protagonist - a 'fucking cripple' of a console. Inevitably this has worked, and as such it stands not as a pastiche of B-Movie 'art' but as an example of it.

It's an ugly, ugly weird-ass game. It's not trying to be anything different.

Overkill is an ugly game, both intentionally and technically. The edges aren't so much rough as non-existent, worn away to reveal the poles that were holding the edges up. It not only has the audacity to deal with issues that other videogames simply wouldn't touch, it actively hunts them down and shits in their bed. Early on you're confronted by a paralyzed, wheelchair bound scientist, who is being beaten by his carer. Moments later, on the advice of Agent G, "this motherfucking cripple has got to die". The game begs you to be offended, to throw your hands up and protest, then it shoots your hand and sticks its dick in the hole shouting STIGMATAFUCK!

There are flaws. Rather, there are flaws which hinder the game alongside those that make it wonderful. The unfortunate placement of the SEGA name, whilst perhaps necessary to drive sales, throws up images of executives in suits talking 'gangsta', trying to be down with the kids. In later levels the dialogue begins to sound forced, proving that motherfucker is only funny the first few times it comes from your Nintendobox. The aiming, too, suffers from a lag that I don't remember being present on the arcade HotD games.

But they are small flaws. Overkill is a game that wants you inside it, a game that would wipe its dick on your curtains and never call back. It's filthy heaven to play, and if you can get past the feeling of violation once you turn off your Wii, it's a game that you need to play.

Score:
Motherfucker/10

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Review - Animal Crossing: Let's Go to the City

• Game: Animal Crossing: Let’s Go to the City
• Format: Wii
• Other Formats: None
• Developer: Nintendo
• Publisher: Nintendo
• Genre: Life Sim

Everything goes black and suddenly you wake up to find yourself on a bright yellow bus staring into the face of quite a happy purple cat. He starts talking to you, and asks where your headed, apparently this bus is headed there. He gives you a map of your destination with the town hall flashing, your first destination. He then asks your name and asks a few questions about you moving into a new town, depending on your answers depends on your face. When you get out of the bus, you are greeted by a raccoon in an apron… yeah… he greets you and introduces himself. This is the general introduction to Animal Crossing, and has stayed the same throughout the series, the only different bit is the transportation you arrive in and in Wild World Kapp’n talked to you instead of Rover.

I suppose you could say Animal Crossing is a life sim, but one that’s completely different from any others. It’s extremely charming, and very colourful. The object of the game is to build your house up and improve your town. There are loads of things to do in-game to keep you occupied if you feel a bit bored. For example, you can dig up fossils and donate them to the town's museum, where every fossil you find is displayed in its restored form. You can also catch fish and bugs, which can also be donated to the museum or be used to redeem trophies on bug catching days and fishing tourneys. There is also a paintings section where real life paintings are displayed. These paintings are purchased from Redd in his newly established shop where you now only need one password.

It may seem all fun, laughter and all round light-heartedness, but Animal Crossing always has a message: your home is under threat if you do not keep up repayments. Try to consolidate your debts into one easy to manage monthly payment.

Animal Crossing is a game that you can’t really complete as there is always something new to do in town. To be able to make a kind of game like that successful you need to make it engaging and fun and Nintendo have done just that with Animal Crossing. They’ve made it very appealing to the eyes and kept the dull colours out as much as possible. Every character is different with their own individual personality, for example one character might be quite grumpy and hating of the world, whereas another might seem like they’re high all the time.

Another good feature about this Animal Crossing is the downloadable content. If you have Wii Connect:24 turned on in the game, from time to time Nintendo send you presents. These range from furniture to clothing, and they’ll have a special theme to them. For example to celebrate the release of the Pikmin remake for Wii they sent everyone a red Pikmin hat.

The Animal Crossing games are great for lovers of the Harvest Moon series or maybe even The Sims. And if you want to have a extra amount of interactivity in your life sims then this would be a great buy.

Score:
8/10

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Review - Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Lightsaber Duels

• Game: Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Lightsaber Duels
• Format: Wii
• Other Formats: None
• Developer: Krome Studios
• Publisher: LucasArts
• Genre: Fighting

When Nintendo first announced that they were making a console powered by waving a TV remote around like an idiot, there was one game that everyone wanted to see. The very concept of the Wii seems perfect for a lightsaber game, right down to the remote speaker for making "vom vomvomvom vom vom vom BZZZT!" noises. Well, two years on, LucasArts have finally remembered that they like money, with the release of Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Lightsaber Duels: Attack of the Colons, but can it possibly live up to the dream?

The basic set up is pretty much what you would expect. Two characters from a selection of ten Clone Wars characters go into an arena and proceed to kill each other with lightsabers and Force powers. For solo players there is a story mode featuring clips from the series, and a challenge mode in which you need to win whilst fulfilling certain objectives (usually use all the combos or finish in under three minutes), but it never really departs much from the main concept.

The most important thing about this game is probably the control system. Sadly, any hopes for full one-to-one movement of your blade are quickly dashed, instead lightsaber attacks are limited to slashes in four directions and a forwards stabbing motion. This does at least mean that the controls are much more reliable than many Wii games; even when making multiple moves in quick succession the game can pick up exactly what each swing is supposed to be and act accordingly, so you'll never end up losing the game just because the game confused your Ultimate Sith-Killer Combo for the "decapitate self with own lightsaber" command.

There are a few more complications to the fighting system, such as each character having their own Force power and super move, using the Force to throw debris into your opponent's face, and the ability to parry attacks by holding block and swinging in the opposite direction to your opponent, but overall there is nowhere near as much depth to the combat as something like Soul Calibur.

One feature that comes up a lot is the saber lock system where at seemingly random points in the battle the two combatants will lock blades, trade insults and then set off one of three mini games... or just go straight back into the fight leaving the players wondering what all that was about. The mini games are quite fun actually, but it would be nice if it didn't feel like the game was deciding whether or not to give you one on the basis of a coin flip.

"Wait, why are we doing this again?"

The cast of characters contains most of the lightsaber-wielding stars of the Clone Wars series, with the surprising omission of Yoda who I can only assume was left out to avoid having to deal with the height difference. This unfortunately, includes Ahsoka Tano, the irritating teenager who has quickly become my most hated Star Wars character ever since Darths & Droids made Jar Jar Binks awesome. It's also a shame that there are no characters from outside of the Clone Wars time period; OK I understand that Qui-Gon Jinn fighting Darth Vader in the story mode would make no sense whatsoever, but a few original trilogy and Episode I characters as unlockable multiplayer characters wouldn't have hurt.

The actual choice of character to play as makes disappointingly little difference to the actual gameplay, with the main changes being a slightly different combo list and Force power. The real difference is in the voice clips played as the fight goes on. In a nice touch, the speech changes depending on your opponent, so for example Obi-Wan will accuse Count Dooku of betraying the Jedi Order and vow to bring an end to this insignificant rebellion, whereas Obi-Wan versus Anakin sounds more like a friendly sparring match. This helps to give the fights a more cinematic feel and make the sound clips actually make sense in context, but the downside is that by limiting the number of possible lines the chances of repetition inevitably increases.

Lightsaber proliferation reaches dangerous levels - coming in 2010: Star Wars Episode VII: Invasion of the Octopus People

The arenas are a nicely varied bunch, all with their own hazards. Clone troopers and battledroids fight it out around you (and get stabbed to death if they get in your way), electric discharges and blasts of flame can incinerate careless players, and one level takes place above a Sarlacc which reaches up to eat the tasty Jedi above. The arenas also have a tendency to change between rounds, such as a platform on the edge of a space-station that gets detached at the beginning of round two and spends the rest of the battle in freefall.

Overall, The Clone Wars is not the lightsaber game you imagined when you first saw the Wii remote, and in all likelihood it was never trying to be. Instead, what we have is a fun, technically competent, but ultimately insubstantial beat-em-up. Star Wars fans will likely get a kick out of it for a while, but after a few days they'll be back to Smash Bros. Brawl. Now, if LucasArts were to make a sequel using the MotionPlus add-on the idea could finally live up to its potential.

Score:
5/10

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Viva la Revolution?

A Guest Article by Frasier

The Wii, according to whom you talk to, is either a brilliant piece of kit that offers almost limitless fun, or a gimmick that lacks both games and potential. Setting aside these two irreconcilable viewpoints, I think it is important to answer one question about the Wii – namely, what, if anything has it changed?

The Wii’s codename was the Revolution. To its detractors this showed Nintendo as an arrogant corporation that was more interested in PR than making consoles. To its fanboys, it was an indication that the mighty Gods Reggie and Miyamoto were still as committed as ever to changing the games industry as they always have. This was, after all the company that made water, marmite and Jesus Christ all at the same time, wasn’t it?

When the Wii was unveiled, the idea definitely looked the real deal. Motion sensor technology was set to revolutionise the way we played games, and the mysterious Wii channels seemed to be the answer to the problem of impersonal consoles. Heck, the thing didn’t even have a hard drive.

But there’s something important to note here, and that was how the Wii was announced. Rather than focus on these potentially “change the industry forever (or at least until the next big thing comes out)” aspects, again and again the focus, certainly on the surface, was on the zany name (“I’m desperate for a Wii” cried millions of gamers), the Apple-lite looks, and some of the more casual games. With perhaps the exception of Zelda: Twilight Princess, more attention was put on Wii Sports than any other game. Some early commentators put this down to a lack of knowledge about the console; once it was released, they’d argue, we’ll stop talking about the ever so slightly erotically proportioned controller, and start talking about the games, and proper games as well.

It never quite happened. It’s true that Nintendo have released several games from their big franchises already. Metroid Prime 3, Mario Kart, Super Smash Bros, Mario Galaxy and the aforementioned Zelda: Twilight Princess all tick that box. But here’s the thing: these games have produced nothing like the reaction that more casual titles on the Wii have. Take Wii Fit; at £70 a pop it’s expensive, and in all honesty not exactly long lasting. And yet, despite this, it’s sold out, month after month since it was first released in April.

Who’s buying games? Personally, I have no idea. I’m probably one of the few people who knew more people who had a Gamecube than I know people who presently own a Wii. In fact, of all the people I know well enough to know their gaming habits, only two people own a Wii. One of them is me. I don’t own Wii Fit, the other person, who incidentally is not someone who has owned a console before, doesn’t play except with friends, and is a girl, does. As I lack analogical data, and games sales data available to me does not break down into demographs, I can only really make a (not very educated guess) about who’s buying Wii Fit. I’m thinking that the chief demograph for this game is represented much more closely by my female friend than by me. That’s not a criticism – if anything it’s more of a realisation. The most popular game of this year on the Wii has not been Super Smash Bros, Mario Kart, or even FIFA. It’s been Wii Fit.

For the first time ever, the mainstream media have been talking about games in another capacity than their ability, like movies and Kurt Cobain before them, to give angry teenagers an excuse to hurt themselves and others. They were talking about the Wii’s potential as a fitness trainer, its new control system and the families who were now buying it.

Does this show that the Wii has changed the industry forever? It would be a cop out to write it’s too early to say, but maybe it is. The Wii certainly has created a buzz around games, and is definitely getting new people to try them. This is all great news for the industry. But what follows the Wii? Will we see a console that will consolidate this new audience effectively? And what about Microsoft and Sony – has the Wii done enough to convince them that next time they’ll have to make comparable consoles to compete with Nintendo?

All this is for the future, but one thing is for sure; the Wii has changed, for the moment at least, the way people view games; it’s made them something that are perceived for everyone. The brand is incredibly strong, the look is sleek and efficient, and the wider media are talking about it. It is this, more than anything else, which makes the Wii, not the PS3, the spiritual successor to the PlayStation. Like it or not, the casual gaming family is here to stay.

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